October 24, 2009 - 23:08

~ Life in October, 2009 ~

I logged in here just to see - i remembered two diaries i used to read and wondered how those two ladies are doing. One updated a year ago and sort of surprised me a little bit with where her life has gone. the other wrote recently saying her brother died.

surprising on both counts. but i have to say, i took some comfort knowing both women are still alive, living their lives (albeit, at a very sad time in the latter case). I began reading their diaries nearly a decade ago, and they're still updating, irregularly as i am.

Oh, and it's my boyfriend's birthday today... at least, in Europe it is. Not yet on the west coast.

anyway, still nice to look back on this diary - every 18 months, as the case appears to be.

My life has moved in a lovely direction. I'm a bit lonely, but I'm happy. I was fired from the job I wrote about last. My boss liked me but didn't think my "heart" was in the job. He was right. I took time off, went to Brazil for a few months, and met the man I want to spend my life with. He's European which presents a new obstacle. We're in a long-distance relationship now, I was at his sister's wedding three weeks ago. We're taking a trip to Colombia in December. We're seeing where this can go. I'm fairly certain this is the man I want to be with -- I can't believe how much the biological clock has started ticking. It's just THERE. Always. I'm 28, I want babies in 4-5 years. It's become a factor in my decisions generally....

I've been 8 months in a government job. it's going well for what it is. it's not perfect, but it's a good fit for my life right now. namely, it's an income i'm happy with, and it allows me the time to work on my relationship which would be impossible if i were in a highly demanding job with little time off.

so... life is good. but as i said, i'm lonely. i had a complete falling out with my best friend over a year ago. we no longer speak at all and i don't plan to alter that. her homophobic comments and disloyalty showed me a side of her personality that i could not accept. i cut her out of my life. or maybe we cut each other out. i'm happier without her in my life. but there is a gap... i don't identify with very many of my friends these days. i can go entire weekends without anything social happening. it's a bit sad, but it's also honest. i won't force myself to go out and be social just to prove to myself i don't have to sit home alone on a friday night. often, i do. plus, i'm not single, so can't bar-hop with my single friends. and i don't have my boyfriend here with me, so couples' events are a little tricky...

overall though, life is very good for me these days. i'm happy, though with my ever-present sense of waiting. for something.

Hindsight is Always 20/20 & The Future is All Hope

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