I'm really thinking about my ex-boyfriend. I'm trying to figure out if I'm ACTUALLY thinking about him long-term, or if I just liked the comfort of being with him. I made a pros and cons list about him and I came up with 13 things for each list. Maybe subconsciously I wanted to do that so that I wouldn't have to make a decision yet.
PROS
1. attractive
2. has money
3. ambitious
4. great friends/friendships
5. compromises well
6. good parents (could be great potential grandparents -- one day)
7. gentle
8. anaconda of a ....
9. loves me so sincerely
10. wants a family (would probably make a good dad)
11. generous to a fault
12. funny
13. sincere
*14
*15
CONS
1. drinking problem/parties too much and too hard
2. immature
3. insecure
4. inhibited in bed (at least with me)
5. needy (at least with me)
6. doesn’t know himself, yet (but he's getting there)
7. can be rude/unrefined
8. can be mean to strangers
9. materialistic
10. doesn’t support me (other than financially) and can't yet help me when I'm emotionally weak
11. doesn’t read books
12. needs years to grow up
13. lack of graduate uni education
14. not worldly or aware
But there's one thing that goes on the pros list that I forgot that maybe trumps a lot of negative qualities: my ex communicates very well. And he is devoted to making his relationship work, once he's decided to be with a person.
Basically, I know I cannot give this man what he wants from me right now, namely, commitment. I'm just not ready. I love him, and miss him, and picture us having a future, but I'm young and still want to experience other things and people. So I'm just trying to figure out if I love him, or if I just like the comfort of him. The truth is, if I were at the point where I wanted a family, I'd choose him. But that point is 8 or 10 years away for me.
What to do? Probably going to have to ask the universe to help me not think about this too much.
