Happy Valentine's Day.
I am completely boy crazy these days. I'm driving everyone around me nuts with my incessant chatter about guys. I know this, but I don't know how to stop. I guess I'm feeling unbalanced and a bit vulnerable?
In one week, I was with the Croatian, Pete with the boat, then my ex boyfriend. The Croat got knocked off the list, Pete got kicked to the curb for being rude, and my ex just emailed to say it's too painful to sleep with me. He doesn't want to be friends anymore. Then I check my phone and the Croatian has sent a Valentine's text. I guess he's lonely too.
And then online, things are going really well. There are several guys who seem very genuine and nice. I'm going on a date in two days, so we'll see how that goes, but I feel like it's a whirlwind. There's no sense of calm in what I've been doing.
But I wonder if maybe now things will start to be simpler. Things with Pete were not simple because I developed feelings for a man who had a broken heart and was unavailable. Bad idea. Then my ex-boyfriend is an ambivalent situation because we still love each other so much, but I don't want to be with him. I wanted my ex to provide physical comfort when I got rid of Pete. It's not fair, so it's good that my ex had decided to cut it off.
We'll see if he can stick to it when he's drunk. If he's smart, he'll delete my number from his phone to prevent booty calls. I think he'll be smart this time.
And so... I'm alone. It's good that I'm getting out there and planning dates. That seems more innocent. People with whom I have no history, haven't slept with, and who have a clean slate relative to me.
But wow... it feels a bit crazy.
And sad that my ex and I can't just do a casual thing. It felt SO GOOD to see him again. But I knew it would fuck with his head. It fucked with mine and I'm the one who left him.
Anyway...
