At the end of the day, I am a classy girl.
No drama. No tears. No yelling. I practiced yelling in the mirror. I went over JUST what I would say to him when he came over. I rehashed in my mind exactly how I was going to tell him off.... And then I got nervous because at the end of the day, I don't like confrontation.
I changed my strategy to just being honest...and then I wasn't nervous. I planned to sit him down and say, "After all this, after I've met almost your whole family, after we've slept together, given that we have mutual friends, and have been hanging out regularly for over a month...after all this and a purported friendship, how could you treat me the way you did the other night? You acted like you WANTED to belittle me, and wanted to make me feel bad. How could you have behaved that way?"
That's what I was going to say, until...
I walked downstairs to give him back his stuff. And he was like an ostrich with its head in the sand... only, his head and torso were buried deeply in the back of his truck. He was "making room" for the tiny bag of stuff I'd brought down. I think he was terrified to see me, and wanted me to have to walk out to him. But I waited at the door, growing impatient. I made him walk to me, smiling awkwardly, sheepishly. Red-faced and goofy-looking he said, "Thanks so much for storing that stuff."
That's where I thought I'd sit him down and talk. But I decided not to. Any man who can't face me after how he treated me the other night...any man who is that weak, doesn't deserve an explanation. If you can demean someone to their face the way he did to me, then you should be man enough to come hear me out, or apologize. But his "apology" was incredibly spineless and lacking in substance. "I meant to apologize for last night this morning anyway, so here it is."
Here what is? The word "apologize" in a sentence in an email? That's NOT an apology.
So... my voice answered him sincerely, calmly, knowing I'd really helped him out by storing his stuff for a month, "You're welcome." I looked him in the eye the entire time, and then I lifted my arm, and just gave a wave.
He looked shocked. Utterly. His face dropped as if to say, "That's IT?!? That's all I get after all this? A wave?" Which is exactly how I felt the other night.
That's all I got after all this time? After how much time we've spent together, and what we've talked about, I get poor treatment and moderate humiliation?
He shrugged his shoulder and turned around, but I know he'll think about it. (I just wish the door hadn't slammed behind me...I didn't mean for that to happen!)
I came upstairs to write him an email, but thankfully, decided against it. He won't get it. He'll twist things in his mind. He'll exonerate himself for his behaviour. And I'll just put myself out there for a guy who just takes. Why?
Instead, I think this way, he'll go back to his boat, alone, sit on his bed, and he'll play back what happened. He didn't want to, but he did like me, and he did like my company. He wouldn't let himself become attached, but I made it hard for him not to care even a little. So... that's done. In the end, the lesson to be learned is, .... actually, there really isn't one. If I had to do it all again, I probably would.
I'm just not capable of staying mad at people. Especially when I know their bad behaviour is just symptomatic of how sad they are inside.
