Oh man, breaking up sucks!!
I'm not crying before bed anymore and I'm already investigating online dating. I'm reading my travel books about Cuba (because my roommate and I are going in 3 weeks.) I'm going to the gym, getting groceries, picking up shifts at work. I'm calling friends, reading papers... I'm keeping busy. But somewhere in there, my ex really did become my best friend. And now, I want to call and chat, I want to snuggle, I want to hear how his week was. It's not unbearable, but it's like a dull ache that something fundamental is missing. In an ideal world, right now, I could call him, tell him I'm coming over to hang out, we'd have sex, cuddle before bed, and then we'd both got to work/school tomorrow and try again for a break up. It's the cold turkey side of this that sucks.
He offered to come over last night after he got done clubbing, but I said it was too soon for Ex Sex. It is too soon, but I would just love to cuddle him right now... and it's even better in my head knowing that's exactly what he wants too.
Bleh. I'm going to type some notes for my final exams. Might as well be productive with all my new found free time.
***
A year ago, October 3rd, 2005 I wrote about this "new guy" I was seeing, " I just worry he's going to get hurt down the line. I think it's an inevitability." Turns out I was right all along. I didn't expect to end up caring about him as much as I do... but I always knew I would be the one to end it.
I am listening to a song that makes me think of him in not such a good light. I think it's healthy to think about what DIDN'T work, because basically, a lot of things didn't work. He's not the man for me. (The song is Armand van Heldon, My My My. It reminds me that with him, the good times were all about partying and clubbing. Nothing mellow, no martini lounges with a few of our friends... It was all about constant stimulation and substances. That's just not someone for me in the long run.)
