Phew.
Ex-boyfriend sent a few more long emails, said he wants to be friends, but doesn't understand why I'm leaving... etc. I sent a few response emails to be as clear as possible, and in the last email, I suggested we take some time apart so he can get used to the idea of us not being together.
He sent a final email back. He apologized for attacking my character for leaving him. He said he still doesn't understand, but that he guesses men and women think about love differently, and if women in their 20s are kind of flaky, or need a guy who treats them badly to fall in love, well, so be it.
I don't think that's exactly what's going on here...I don't think I'm flaky or looking for a guy playing hard to get, or whatever... I just didn't fall in love with this boyfriend. But, so long as he is moving forward, it's not necessary that my point of view be clear to him. The important thing is for him to move on and for us to be friends.
It sounds very much like he would like us to be friends. Knowing myself, I think it will be hard for me to see him out with other girls and stuff, but I'm sure that will go away. I really sense that for me, it's hard to know he'll be moving on. It's really nice to have someone love you. It's nice to know someone is thinking about you, wanting to be with you, and cares. It's a hard thing to have that person give you exactly what you asked for by walking away and pulling away. I think not having a boyfriend is going to be a bit hard on my ego, especially because I'm fairly certain he'll jump back into single life very quickly. He goes to clubs every weekend, gets wasted, and is decently good at picking up girls (though, to this day, I maintain that I picked HIM up!) So anyway... maybe we'll get to the point where we can be friends with benefits, or maybe we won't. Maybe we'll just keep in contact by email and say hi when we run into each other.
Given that another ex-boyfriend has never forgiven me for dumping him, and the last ex played head games with me forever.... if this recent boyfriend does get over this, and become a friend, i think it will boost my self-esteem to know I'm not picking turkeys anymore. So far, this guy is proving to be as resilient as he always said he was.
I say with no regrets, he is truly a remarkable man. No wonder I was with him so long. :)
