Now it's better. Now there is closure.
He sent me an email at school today, kind of telling me off, but mostly just stating his feelings. When I got home, I sent him a long email basically saying, while he's the best boyfriend someone could ask for, to stay with someone (for me), i need to feel that intangible *something* that makes you want to make sacrifices just to be with them. I don't feel that for him, which basically says I'm not in love with him.
He called and got mad at me. He accused me. He told me to "Have a nice life" then hung up on me. And then he called back to apologize and admit that this was harder on him than he thought. He started crying and we ended. I called him back and offered to come over so he wouldn't be alone. His parents are in town visiting though, so that wasn't a good plan. He came over to my house.
We talked for 2 hours. Basically, he just wanted closure by understanding what it was I felt couldn't work between us. So I explained that I want someone who shares my values and my passions. Not identically, necessarily, but something. And his passion for business and making money doesn't count for me.
He didn't agree with me, but he understood enough that I think he won't stay mad at me. He suggested an open relationship, including sex, but I think that's not going to work. Having said that, I might end up wanting a booty call at some point, I guess. In any case, he wants to stay friends and I think he means that. He was the most rational man I've seen in a break up. But I guess I've gotten better at breaking up with people, too.
And that's that. We'll see what happens, but looking back on this year, it was so worth it! I guess that's what i take out of this. Even if you don't think it's going to work out, and you know it's not forever, it's worth finding out if you can be with that person in the short term, just to see what they can teach you. I have learned a lot from him about how to treat people, and how to be a good friend and partner. He will probably always be my favourite boyfriend, even if he wasn't The One.
;-)
