I ran out of pages on my paper journal.
I'm replacing it tomorrow, hopefully.
I feel I should record tonight's thoughts.
I started my new job this week. 5 days later. In short, both of my bosses are socially apt. The firm is full of friendly, helpful staff. I was taken for lunch my first day with my 'team'. HR set up training for me. I'm not overwhelmed, but I'm pushed. I was given work immediately. Everyone has spoken in the sense of, 'it'll be six months before this is comfortable...' suggesting that so long as I'm progressing, job-security isn't an issue. And every friday, they have a bar with free alcohol on the the upstairs floor with the gorgeous view. I had a drink with my boss tonight. He's a very likeable guy, very social, and easy to get along with. What a difference from the 67 year-old curmudgeon I used to work for! Seriously, HR got it right; this new firm is a good fit for me on a lot of fronts. I'm actually happy.
Which brings me to my next thought that my ex boyfriend is proved to be a fucking asshole. He said I wouldn't be happy in any job and that I had problems with every boss. Fucking jerk. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Nice that I got rid of you so that I can enjoy this new found success. And it is success, on all fronts. I'm very well paid, I'm happy, I'm looking forward to learning more, I'm in an environment with socially apt and confident people, and I could see myself staying at this firm at least a couple of years. That's a good fit! I just wish I could rub it in my ex's face a bit, frankly.
The bar the firm has looks out at my ex's old work building. We're the 25th floor, his building was the 22nd. But that was two years ago. Things change.
Since my friend Colin told me about my ex's racist comments as a kid, I've gone back to thinking poorly of my ex. He wasn't nice even as a youngster. And he wasn't nice as a 26 year-old. I guess once we reach his 27th birthday in 2 months, I'll know better how I feel about him. By then, I'll have settled into my job and been single for 4 months. Might be time to start dating by then.
What put him a bit in my thoughts, other than Colin's memories, was my girlfriend saying he unfriended her on facebook. I wondered if he would as he knows I would look at his profile through her friends list. It's probably better that way. I don't need to see him dating girls who put spread-eagle profile pics of themself up.... ahem. Already happened.
Truthfully, he's an embarrassment to me and himself and I'm way better off without him. But I still know I loved him, and in being honest with myself, I know a part of me still does and knows it hurts to know he too is trying to move on and find someone new. When I meet someone else, it will be better.
And....my bestfriend is probably going to move to Toronto. And that's going to change my life, too. But it sounds like another friend may move from Montreal, so maybe things are just in flux. Still, I'll be sad if my girlfriend leaves. But I think maybe she's in a rut and perhaps, it's time for a shift.
Can't fight change.
My mom is moving from her place 8 minutes away, to another part of the city that is much farther away.
More change.
I guess so long as life is changing, you know you have a pulse. In some ways, that makes it ok.
Anyway.... time for bed. The melatonin is kicking in...
